It was supposed to be a Saturday girls' night over at my place. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we called off the night. With no other programmes for the night, Val and I accompanied my mil and my own parents to the mid-autumn concert.
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To speak the truth, I was relunctant to go for the concert. It has nothing to do with the concert or my mil but rather, I am relunctant to be out with my parents (or rather my mother). Sad, isn't it? Ever since I got married and had Val, I dread going home and even dread calling home. Each time I go home or call home, my mum will try to pick fault with me or try to pick a fight. Our phone calls will always end up in great unhappiness and either one of us will hang out on the other. I seriously hate reveiving calls from her cause she is always calling for a fight.
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I have been thinking alot about the past. Nah... I did not grow up in a broken or violent family. It was a pretty normal family but due to my mum's character, I do not know what is the definition of a childhood. I remember earning my very 1st cent when I was 14. I paid for nearly everything on my own since then except transport. Probably my memory fails me but the only (or maybe most impressionable) present I remembered receiving from her was a watch and it came with a condition. I had to be the top 3 in my class. I do not recall requesting for anything else from her ever since then.
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For the past 20 odd years, I lived my life the way she wanted my life to be. She always pressurise me into doing what she wants. never for once did she ask what I want. Maybe that is her way of loving me but sadly, I never feel she loves me except for my money especially when I was earning much more back then. Her obsession with the materialistic aspect pressurise me into having to buy the family treats every month, every festival etc etc. It slowly dawned on me that if I ever need to request anything from her, the best time to do it will be the time I bring home the bread or the treat. Never for once did I feel she appreciate the gifts I showered her with. Instead, she will give you the 'by right, you should be doing it' kind of attitude. Stop taking me for granted. It is not a MUST to drive you to the concert. Don't make it as if I fail in my duty when I was unable to promise a lift.
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Now that I have Darl in my life, he gives me the will and strength to lead the life I want now. That explains why I am still working in a student care after 2 years. Without Darl's support, I would have been back in the crazy rat race with crazy working hours under my mum's daily pressure.
.
Nah... I am not holding grudges against my mum. I know I am slowly letting go of the emotional baggage. The past only serves a reminder of who I want to as a wife, as a mother, as a friend and as a family member.
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I hope that my mum will change too and not be obsessed with the materials and hopefully, some sense can be knocked into her and also my dad. That is the reason why I brought them to the concert. I know only God can open and change their hearts. I guess they pretty much enjoyed most parts except the lengthy worship and altar call at the end. That is where my mum started to get on my nerves and kept forcing me to leave. I was so annoyed by their inconsideration. I know you are non-believers but since you are here with us, shouldn't you at least respect us and stop forcing us to leave? What crap about the crowd? So what if there is a crowd? How can you skip a service due to crowd? Anyway, you are not even the one driving. I
.
think the concert was pretty nice except that I expected a drama performance. :)
.
.
To speak the truth, I was relunctant to go for the concert. It has nothing to do with the concert or my mil but rather, I am relunctant to be out with my parents (or rather my mother). Sad, isn't it? Ever since I got married and had Val, I dread going home and even dread calling home. Each time I go home or call home, my mum will try to pick fault with me or try to pick a fight. Our phone calls will always end up in great unhappiness and either one of us will hang out on the other. I seriously hate reveiving calls from her cause she is always calling for a fight.
.
I have been thinking alot about the past. Nah... I did not grow up in a broken or violent family. It was a pretty normal family but due to my mum's character, I do not know what is the definition of a childhood. I remember earning my very 1st cent when I was 14. I paid for nearly everything on my own since then except transport. Probably my memory fails me but the only (or maybe most impressionable) present I remembered receiving from her was a watch and it came with a condition. I had to be the top 3 in my class. I do not recall requesting for anything else from her ever since then.
.
For the past 20 odd years, I lived my life the way she wanted my life to be. She always pressurise me into doing what she wants. never for once did she ask what I want. Maybe that is her way of loving me but sadly, I never feel she loves me except for my money especially when I was earning much more back then. Her obsession with the materialistic aspect pressurise me into having to buy the family treats every month, every festival etc etc. It slowly dawned on me that if I ever need to request anything from her, the best time to do it will be the time I bring home the bread or the treat. Never for once did I feel she appreciate the gifts I showered her with. Instead, she will give you the 'by right, you should be doing it' kind of attitude. Stop taking me for granted. It is not a MUST to drive you to the concert. Don't make it as if I fail in my duty when I was unable to promise a lift.
.
Now that I have Darl in my life, he gives me the will and strength to lead the life I want now. That explains why I am still working in a student care after 2 years. Without Darl's support, I would have been back in the crazy rat race with crazy working hours under my mum's daily pressure.
.
Nah... I am not holding grudges against my mum. I know I am slowly letting go of the emotional baggage. The past only serves a reminder of who I want to as a wife, as a mother, as a friend and as a family member.
.
I hope that my mum will change too and not be obsessed with the materials and hopefully, some sense can be knocked into her and also my dad. That is the reason why I brought them to the concert. I know only God can open and change their hearts. I guess they pretty much enjoyed most parts except the lengthy worship and altar call at the end. That is where my mum started to get on my nerves and kept forcing me to leave. I was so annoyed by their inconsideration. I know you are non-believers but since you are here with us, shouldn't you at least respect us and stop forcing us to leave? What crap about the crowd? So what if there is a crowd? How can you skip a service due to crowd? Anyway, you are not even the one driving. I
.
think the concert was pretty nice except that I expected a drama performance. :)
.
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