I REALLY HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!

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I really hate it when I had arguments with you. I hate it when I had to argue with you. I hate it when one of us has to give in unwillingly. I do not wish to give in because I really had enough. True... It is a small issue or should I say... tiny issue but I really hate the way you reacted. I hate it even more when I REALLY make the extra efforts to attend church with you (whenever you go) but you tried to argue that I did not attend every week and I should not be claiming credit for it. Fine! I am not claiming any credit for it. If not for your sake, our sake and your family's sake, do you really think I will want to attend church? The answer is NO. I am a skeptical free thinker. I believe in myself. Of course, I am once again... proud, inflexible, stubborn etc etc etc because I believe too much in myself. Yeah right. And why on earth am I not attending church on a weekly basis because you yourself NEVER attend church on a weekly basis! So do you really expect me to attend church on a weekly basis with or without you? You are asking for too much.

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I hate the way you reacted earlier on. I told you enough is enough. It is not funny anymore and at all. I have a limit. Be it that my threshold is low but you have already reached it. I already said 'stop it' and since you wanted to continue, that is at your own risk. You faced the consequences and anyway, the consequences are never a big deal to you. For me, I seriously do not care about it this time round. If this is going to last a lifetime, I am really having my doubts. I am having doubts about living with your huge family, accomodating to your sucky job which places me at your mercy, spending weekends accompanying your friends and family, you being unwilling to pop by my place for meals, criticising my mother's cooking etc etc. I have been tolerant with you wanting freedom. No doubt I have my share of freedom, did I not make the effort to meet "our" gang on sat and accompany your family on sun? Yeah... You want to argue that you tried to make up for it by bringing me to places where I want to go? Let us see. How long did we take to go zoo? How long did we take to go museum? Let's not be calculative anymore because I really do not wish to haggle over these with you anymore. Didn't you realise it doesn't matter to me as much as before as to the frequencies of our meet-ups, whether our time is spent alone together, who you go out with, whether you want to join my family gatherings etc etc etc. It really does not matter as much as before.

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Bec was asking if it was our last discussion which causes me to be so 'eruptive'. I do not quite think so though I really must admit... the whole discussion puts me off. I really do not wish to give it any further serious thoughts till next year. It may be our verbal promise of final destination but everything just put me off. From the minute you want everything simple, I do not sense any sincerity. I just feel that you just want everything short, fast, hassle-free. The ideal is not to go through anything at all. I told you... This is a once in lifetime thing. There is no replay or try harder the next time. I can compromise but when I feel wei qu... I think I better think twice.

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Love is always a double edged sword and when the future seem bleak, I am really tired.

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