Must be PMS...
Maybe it was just pms... Maybe it was just me... Maybe it was him... I teared on the way on the way back. I felt terrible when I know exactly when is my last day of contribution for him. It felt worse when he was nonchalant towards the whole thing and yet was still planning to squeeze the last bit from me. No words can describe how I feel. I seriously do not know how to pen down my out-of-control emotions and thoughts.
I had worked hard. I worked hard... NOT for myself, NOT for money. ONLY for him. I pledged my soul and loyalty to him. It was to HIM, not the entity. But when I had gave up all hopes on him, he sees me as a traitor. I contradict. On one hand, I swore I gave up all hopes on him but I am tremendously affected by his every single word and action. I should not have taken it to heart. I knew his 'pattern' since day 1 and this had replayed many times over the years. The only difference is... The main 'lead' wasn't me back then.
I just don't feel good... I gave up cause you pushed me to it. But you see me in the same way as those who had left over the years. You used the same tactics as you had over the years on anyone else. Was I just like anyone else? I tried to convince myself... Convince myself if I was just like anyone else or somebody. I am confused. I knew I was somebody when I was still 100% committed to his "ideology". With the change in status today, I was nobody. I felt really terrible. Darl tried to convince me the problem lies in him. Darl tried to convince me that he was just some shrew businessman who were trying to make use of my potential. MAKE USE... I would not want to think of him that way cause I truly respected him for everything. But I guess Darl makes sense to a certain extent. He used to tell me I had potential but just not maximizing it. But THAT day, I was just someone with no inner strength...
I just wanna cry...
5 comments:
I totally understand this.
I know you will react like this. Trust me, gd-fren. I just felt that you will, in a way, that the inner you will react.
Hong is partially right. You are partially right to your words and feelings too. You were committed all the while but his ideology leaded you to this decision and now you find yourself contridicting on giving it all up.
Take it as a break, an opportunity, move ahead. You know you are not what he thinks. Obviously the loss of loyalty points now, will let him realise he's losing his horsemen.
I may not be good or of any position in the force to anti your leaving. But I do feel the loss somehow. Let's enjoy the last few possible days in the environment that sooner or later going to be faded.
Don't cry, it's either his loss or your boldness moving on.
led*
hey, i know this is going to be hard but i think your tears are worth much more. I've seen how much you have given your heart and soul and all the hardwork u have done for him. And i know you always have a sense of loyalty to him. But all i see now is how under appreciated you are.
Maybe he's not a man who show out his emotions but i think you have made to right decicision to move on.
Thanks all! I guess it was PMS afterall
Yo lala, I was quite stunned with that guy quite some time ago when I was still hanging around with you all. It is just his character. Anyway, if he does really have feeling when you are going off, he might think of being taken advantage of by others who might want to threaten by leaving. Who knows anyway... He is just like the way we all know...
Post a Comment